In the Mood for Love (And All of its Many Facets)

Disclaimer: This article has nothing to do with the film In the Mood for Love (2000), I just kinda stole the film's name...

Wherever you are and whatever state you are in, whether it's how-many-months-I-lost-count deep into lockdown or you're just feeling in need of a pick-me-up, I've got your back. See, I have been going through a rocky phase myself, be it on the social level, academic level, work level- all the freaking levels really. Although I can’t say with a hundred per cent certainty that I am out of that rut, I thought I'd share with you some of the “romance” films that have made this journey a lot more tolerable. Why the air quotes you may ask? Well, it's because not everyone will agree that these films can be classified under romance, but I can assure you that they all revolve one way or another around the concept of "love."

"Love" is a very complex concept. We define it differently, therefore we experience it differently. With this list, I hope to demonstrate the multi-faceted nature of "love" as well as explore the various forms "love" may come in.

Before we dive in, let's take a look at some honourable mentions that definitely gave me a lot of laughs and cries. After all, this is a subjective list. Who knows, these honourable mentions might hit you harder than they did me. So definitely check them out as well!

Honourable Mentions (in order of appearance):

Blue Valentine (2010), Love Rosie (2014), Crazy Stupid Love (2011), Me Before You (2016), About Time (2013), Crazy Rich Asians (2018)

And now, let's take a look at the actual list.

(Image credit: Cinema Blend)

Going through a heartbreak: 500 Days of Summer (2009)

One of the things I hear a lot about 500 Days of Summer (2009) is how much people hate Summer. To those people, I say: give the film a rewatch when you’re a little more mature. Because the film is told from Tom’s perspective, it makes perfect sense that audiences would sympathise with Tom much more than with Summer. Also, because the film is marketed to be a romance or love story (despite the trailer and the opening line explicitly stating that it is NOT a love story), we feel disappointed when we don’t get that “happy ending”. And naturally, we want to pin the blame on someone. That person happens to be Summer as she did, in fact, cold-heartedly shattered poor Tom’s heart. In a way, it's not surprising at all that viewers reach the conclusion that Summer is a bitch and decides to hate her.

However, if we take a step back, disassociate our personal feelings or experiences from Tom’s and look at the story again, it is quite clear that Tom is in over his head while Summer has consistently been clear about what she wants from the relationship. When it comes to love and relationships, we all get a little selfish sometimes. We choose to see what we want to see. And so we ignore the truth because what we're imagining in our heads is better. The expectations versus reality scene in this film perfectly illustrate this horrifyingly relatable situation.

So, the next time you are going through a break-up and if you're going through one currently, instead of blaming and cursing your ex for the hundred million ways they did you wrong… maybe take a moment to ask yourself: did I listen to them and try to understand what they want? Or was I too blinded by desires and yearnings to have a fairy-tale relationship that I end up imposing my ideals on someone who wasn’t right for me all along?

Food for thought.

(Image credit: PatSonic)

Healing from a heartbreak: Her (2013)

I don’t know if any of you have ever been deeply or madly in love, but drawing from my own experience, as great as it may feel to be in love.... when it ends… god, the downfall is soul-crushing. While some might handle it well, many struggles to bounce back from heartbreaks and rejection. The Script said it best: when a heart breaks, no it doesn't break even.

Her (2013) tells the story of a sweet and romantic man, Theodore, dealing with the aftermath of a painful divorce. It gets more interesting (and mucky) when he finds “love” with an AI called Samantha. We see Theodore’s journey in grief as he struggled to rejoin the dating scene to eventually finding the courage to feel things again with Samantha.

While the question of Samantha and the extent of AI technology is an interesting discussion brought to the forefront by this film, it will not be the focus of this segment. Instead, I want to talk about Theodore and Samantha's relationship. What stood out about Samantha's character is how great she is at forming an emotional bond with Theodore. She patiently listens to Theodore’s thoughts, ambitions and desires. But most importantly, she does not skim over a topic that many dread and are often guilty of tiptoeing around: the ex and our partner's past relationship. Samantha, like a boss, calmly coax Theodore to talk about his feelings and frustrations, helping him come to terms with the divorce. Through all the mess, Samantha reassures Theodore that she would be there for him. This might be the key to why Theodore finally allowed himself to feel love again. There is a perception that Samantha would always be there. Because she’s an AI.

From being married in a relationship that felt so magical and picture-perfect to hostile strangers who seem to only feel animosity towards each other, Theodore is scared to feel again. To love means to let someone in and share a significant part of each other’s lives. It is exhausting to have to go through this process over and over. It is also rather disillusioning to have something you believe in so much fall apart in such an incorrigible manner.

This film reminds us that although going through a heartbreak sucks and the healing process is tedious, there is still hope. There is still a light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me. Yes, it might suck for a while. And there is really no way to fast forward it. But whether it’s another failed date, failed talking stage, or your AI partner cheating on you with 6 million other AIs, remember that you’re always constantly moving forward. Slowly but steadily. Who knows, maybe like Theodore, you’ll find love a lot closer than you think.

So hang in there!

(Image credit: imdb)

To remind you why people fall in love and settle- Up in the Air (2009)

Dating back to the 1920s, hustling your way to success is cool. Back then, it was also cool to hustle with the end goal of winning back a lady you once lost to a richer man. Yes, I am recalling the plot of The Great Gatsby. While Jay Gatsby might have been the Dave Chappelle of the 1920s, in the 21st Century, he would be considered an absolute fool. Chasing a woman? Doing things for love? Pfft. We now call such people simps. Losers. A bunch of derogative terms.

If that isn't a deterrent for men and women to stop being honest about their feelings and form genuine relationships, then I don't know what is.

Dating today is hard.

We chase fame, money or some ambitious yet totally non-sensical goals. Like flying ten million miles so you get a chance to be personally greeted by the pilot. I don't know. People have weird ambitions. That's Ryan Bingham's life goal. Ryan carries the aura of this cool and heartless American hustler. Most of us would buy into his whole life motto: Life is like a backpack. To live a happier life, just throw everything in the backpack that weighs you down out and voila, nirvana. Enlightenment. Self-actualisation. You will be free and happy. You will have a better chance of reaching your highest potential.

Obviously, from my sarcastic tone, you'd be able to guess that that is not the film’s takeaway. Through various events, a very memorable and ironic highlight being Ryan having to save his sister’s marriage by coaxing her husband-to-be out of a cold-feet panic, Ryan begins to understand all this fuss about love and settling down. Hell, he might have turned himself into a believer for a second there. Although his first go at making a grand gesture to win a woman’s heart might not be swoon-worthy or let alone successful, I think it’s safe to say that towards the end, something in him changed. I’d be lying if I say the ending didn’t make me tear up a little. Okay fine, a lot.

(Image credit: Chicago Tribune)

Emotional, gritty but pulls on all the heartstrings- Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

The films on this list are creative in their own ways. But Silver Linings Playbook (2012) adds something that is so different yet rich with meaning to the conversation. The story-telling aspects of the film are standard. There is really nothing special about the romance itself or the plot. In the hands of a different production crew and cast, it might’ve come off as cliche. But lucky for us, it was in the hands of David O'Russell with a god-tier cast so the end result is spectacular.

Tackling the uglier and darker aspects of life, like mental health, toxic relationships and grief, the film still managed to wrap up the story in a way that leaves us feeling wholesome and hopeful. Not to be hyperbolic, but as a young adult living through the COVID-19 pandemic, I genuinely never thought I could feel that way again. It feels new and refreshing but also warm and uplifting- kind of like a hug from your favourite person.

The film is not just about two people falling in love but it is about learning to accept not only our partner's ugly parts but also ours. It is about coming to terms with the past to move forward, be it as a couple, as a family or just with yourself.

It is also about finding happiness in the simplest of things. The film reminds us that it is not always about winning or being the best. Sometimes you do things just because you enjoy it and it makes you happy. And that is enough.

We can also apply this logic to dating. In the era of Instagram, plastic surgery and so much artificiality, it’s easy to be caught in this war of finding and getting the best-looking, the richest, the nicest or the most “successful” person. But if that’s our mindset going in, we'd be running and searching forever.

If you ask me, we date, love and settle because life is hard and it gets pretty damn lonely. While the goal is not to find someone who can save or heal us (maybe consider a therapist if these are your needs), but you do want to find someone who can do more than be eye candy, you would want someone who is able to accept you and your crazy.

Though, remember, even when it’s lonely, you can survive alone. Don't get with or hold on to someone just because you are lonely. That's a recipe for disaster.

(Image credit: Bright Wall/Dark Room)

Out to seek a great perhaps- Before Sunrise (1995)

I’ve never watched a romance film like Before Sunrise (1995). There is barely any plot yet I was completely entranced throughout the whole film. The fact that the film is inspired by actual events from the director’s life only makes it that much more fascinating. In an era where people link up through dating apps, social media, parties or clubbing, it is just so refreshing to see such pure romance emerging from a train journey in Europe. Let alone a romance that sprung from a genuine desire to connect and get to know each other. Can it get more dreamy than that?

While the circumstances in which the characters met might be dreamy, the interactions do not feel the same way. What I mean is that the interactions are as raw and real as they come. I’m not sure how much the actors stuck to the script but it definitely felt like both Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy were improvising and we, the audience, are doing some hardcore third-wheeling. It made me feel butterflies in my stomach like I’m falling in love again for the first time. It also made me feel secondhand embarrassment for the characters at times which is always an indication of great acting.

For the first time in this life-sucking quarantine, Before Sunrise made me want to get off my ass, say fuck everything, fly out somewhere where nobody knows my name and have an adventure. Meeting a Jesse-Wallace-esque lover along the way would be a plus.

(Image credit: Financial Times)

Blows your mind and leaves your heart aching every time you think about it- La La Land (2016)

I come back to this film from time to time when I want to feel something. More specifically, to feel a heart-wrenching type of pain. La La Land (2016) is a film that will always have a special spot in my heart. Not only do I love the interaction and chemistry between Sebastian and Mia, but there is also something so earnest and magical about two people who connected through their passion to make it in their respective industries. It almost always doesn't end well. Actually, it never ends well. But I still can’t get enough.

My takeaway from the film is that you can’t have everything. And that is fine. Sometimes, the most passionate love is not the best love. As adults, we have to think about a lot of things. We have to pick and choose our priorities. And the sad reality is that we will have to leave certain things behind. As good as love may be, sometimes it’s just not meant to be. Doesn’t matter if it’s the wrong time, wrong place, wrong state of mind- the point is, it is not meant to be. You could dream and envision about the hundred million things you could have done differently, but that is all you can do. It might sound sad but sometimes that kind of romance is the most beautiful. It’s the kind that you cherish. The kind that makes life special. The kind that would still cross your mind from ten-fifteen years from now and you wonder: what could have been?