My brother bought me this book as my birthday gift. He was confident that I would love it and that it would also inspire me to write.
He was absolutely right about both.
Crying in H Mart is a memoir of Michelle Zauner's life, however, the events are centered around the death of her mother. In many ways, it felt like a coming-of-age story where Michelle invites us to understand her life experiences from struggling to feel a sense of belonging (torn between being not Korean enough but also not American enough), navigating her upbringing under the backdrop of her mother's rapidly declining health and finally finding forgiveness and understanding in her complicated relationship with her mother. If you grew up in an Asian household, especially if you always erred on the side of rebellion and longing for independence (like I did), this book will hit home. Sometimes it is difficult to explain to others that Asians have a very different way of expressing love. While it is not necessarily wrong, it inevitably dampens and scars the child's relationship with their parents ever so slightly. Still, it is part of our culture and for us to make sense of. (Albeit it is our choice whether to perpetuate this cycle i.e. generational trauma).
Michelle manages to capture this so beautifully in Crying in H Mart. I encourage anyone who wishes to understand this aspect of Asian culture and parenting to read it.
The most incredible part of the book is how it is not only Michelle's journey that we see grow and mature. We also see her mother's journey. Maybe not through her mother's words specifically. But as Michelle ruminated, reflected, and pieced together memories with her mother, and conversations with others who have known her mother and her mother's belongings, she learned that her mother has changed and grown just as she did.
I adore this idea. We sometimes view our parents as someone who knows everything. I mean, in my case, they sure act like they do.
But the truth is, they are just like us. They make mistakes. And oftentimes they are just too stubborn to admit it.
Despite these blunders along the way, we will most likely look back and realise that the majority of the things they did are for our benefit. Or what they believe was our benefit. Even if it was not correct, it was most likely out of genuine love and care.
If you struggle to make sense of your relationship with your parents, this book may provide some guidance and clarity.
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